


All Gravel and Glass

by Penelope_in_Wait



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2019-12-07 14:07:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18235916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penelope_in_Wait/pseuds/Penelope_in_Wait
Summary: "Darcy had turned around to grab a fresh notebook and turned back in time to see Jane disintegrate in front of her. It was like watching a movie, none of it seemed real. It wasn't until the dust had literally settled that it hit her.And she felt instantly empty. Somehow she knew that Jane was gone, like gone gone."





	1. And the stars look very different today

She was just gone.

One minute, Jane was enthusiastically explaining the newest readings. “This is insane, Darce! I don't know what's going on, but this is huge! What could cause a spike like that?! Can you grab me some paper? I want to make sure I can get my initial thoughts down.”

And then the next, gone. Darcy had turned around to grab a fresh notebook and turned back in time to see Jane disintegrate in front of her. It was like watching a movie, none of it seemed real. It wasn't until the dust had literally settled that it hit her. 

And she felt instantly empty. Somehow she knew that Jane was gone, like  _ gone _ gone.

She also had a sinking feeling that this was connected to the strange ships that had been over New York. It was hard sometimes to stay on top of current news, Jane just didn't care if it wasn't about the  _ work _ . And it was hard to blame her. When you've held an ancient power inside you and seen other realms, well, bigger fish and all that jazz. But Darcy did her best to stay current with her Google alerts for any Avenger-related activity.

After Jane and Thor had broken up, amicably Darcy would like to point out, Thor had given her a burner phone with instructions to call its only programmed number should she and Jane run into any trouble. “Will Captain America come to my rescue?” She asked while batting her eyelashes. Thor had smiled at her affectionately and patted her on the head, “Steven or any of my brothers in arms would be honored to assist.”

There had been a naive part of recent-grad Darcy that had assumed she, Jane, Thor, and maybe even Erik would pal around together forever. That dream was already cracked but fell to complete pieces after those creepy dark elves tried to invade. Erik was, perhaps, more damaged than ever, and Jane had no royal aspirations, she just wanted to keep researching. And although she never admitted it outright (easier to use the science as an excuse), Darcy suspected that whether Jane stayed in Asgard or on Earth, she would always be left behind and the anticipation and waiting would kill her way before one of her duct-tape rigged machines. So Jane had suggested that they step back from their relationship and, after many closed-door conversations, Thor agreed.

It had hurt Darcy. And reminded her of her parent's divorce. Right down to Jane and Thor both telling her that Thor wouldn't be gone forever and that they would still see each other, when he was planetside. So Jane went back to her science and Darcy, waving goodbye to Thor, went with her. When you've signed enough NDA's to choke a soulless bureaucrat, explaining gaps in your resume becomes really freaking difficult, plus she had gotten really good at wrangling Jane. It was an…interesting life...but Darcy made it work. And her freak out reflex had settled considerably after everything she had seen and experienced which was why Jane's disintegration caused panic but also threw Darcy into fact-gathering mode.

When the initial shock and fear finished coursing through her body, Darcy got to work. What did she know?

  1. There was some sort of cosmic spike right before Jane disappeared. 
  2. Jane hadn't disappeared so much as she had turned to dust. It was like she stopped _being_.
  3. This would definitely count as a dire emergency per Thor's instructions.



She may not have all of Jane's book smarts, but she was no dummy, so Darcy went over to the only locked drawer of the filing cabinet and got out the burner phone, turning it on for the first time in years and pushed the call button.

It rang...and rang and rang and rang. Two things occurred to Darcy -- maybe this wasn't an isolated incident, maybe other people had been dusted, and if that were the case she would likely have to leave a message. Darcy turned on the tv while the phone continued to ring only to see that horrifyingly Jane was not an anomaly. Apparently, people had dusted, seemingly at random, all over the world. It also looked like Thor was back and in Wakanda. Had he been dusted too?? Fear was starting to creep back in when the nondescript voicemail message started. Darcy sucked in a breath and tried to keep the panic out of her voice as she rambled off her message.

“Hi. Uh, hi. This is, this is Darcy. I work for Jane Foster -- she knows Thor! He told me to call if we ever needed help. I don't know what's going on but, bu..” Darcy's voice wobbled, and a single tear fell down her cheek. Her voice was just above a whisper when she started speaking again, “Jane's gone. She just turned into, dust. I don't know what to do.” She cleared her throat and composed herself so that she could finish. “Right, so Darcy, Darcy Lewis. I need help. Thor said I could trust whoever got this message. Please...please get back to me. Ok. Bye.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really sure where this melancholy little idea came from but the title comes from the OK Go song "Return". Chapter title from David Bowie's "Space Oddity". I have no idea what I am doing and I don't know when this will be updated but there are plans for future chapters. Thanks for reading!


	2. Every day is exactly the same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that has taken the time to read this story so far. You all are beautiful and I really appreciate it!  
> Chapter title from the song of the same name by Nine Inch Nails.

She knew there would be waiting. Had planned on it, really. When you see the world in collective shock and disarray, you don't expect the Avengers, or whatever they were calling themselves these days, to answer your voicemail as the first point of order. So Darcy had set up a routine. It would be easy to turn into a slob without Jane, or anyone really, around, but she knew if she was going to be any use to anyone, she needed to have her shit together.

Every morning, she would wake up at 8AM. She’d get dressed, eat a light breakfast, record the overnight readings for Jane, and make her first call at 9AM. She never left a message after that first one, just the calls. If whoever was at the other end saw the calls they could call back or listen to the original message. Also, they could be inundated with requests for help. She’d prefer not to be a pest -- if Thor had faith in them, then Darcy would, too.

Then she would, begrudgingly, work out. Nothing fancy -- treadmill, yoga, some bastardized version of a CrossFit workout from an app she had drunkenly downloaded eons ago. She wasn't sure why she did it other than to take up time, but it allowed her mind to go a bit blank, however briefly. After her post-workout shower, she would call again, around 11AM. 

Then would come her most hated (but necessary) task. Darcy would spend the next two hours scouring the news. There wasn't much available -- and seeing the list of the dusted just made her sad -- but she kept an ear out for any reports of Avenger-sightings as well as looting and rioting occurrences. The sad reality of “The Event” was that while communities mostly came together, there were always the shitheads. Those disgusting excuses for humans that saw tragedy as their own personal excuse to take whatever they could. It made Darcy sick but was sadly not unexpected. Jane's equipment wasn't exactly worth anything to the average person, but that wouldn't necessarily stop some jerk from trying to ruin her day. The reports had been primarily in bigger cities, so Darcy was safe, for now. But if all this continued, well, who knew what could happen? After this daily torture was done, Darcy would try calling again at 1PM.

Lunch was next, another light meal, followed with a bike trip into the small town nearby. She was trying to save gas in case she needed to drive elsewhere. The locals had not been hit too hard, but she still came into town to touch base with everyone. It was sort of the unspoken rule: those left needed to check in. Around 3PM, while strolling through town, she would attempt another call. The local grocer had been super sweet, especially once he found out Jane had been one of the lost, and always made sure to add an extra treat to Darcy's bag. Money was getting tight, and even with the camaraderie among the town folks, Darcy was making sure she made every cent count. By the time she got back, the sun would be sitting lower in the sky, and she would start on dinner while making her 5PM call.

After dinner, she’d clean up, record the readings for the day since her morning reporting, make a 7PM call, and read or try to stay occupied for a few hours. And though it killed her a bit, she would call again, right before bed, at 9PM. No sense in staying up late. It was both the most sleep she had had in years and the least restful. The phone stayed plugged in next to her bed, standing vigil while she slept. It never left her side during the day so why should the night be any different?

And this was her routine. It was on week 4, day 5, at 5:03PM that things changed and the phone rang. 

While her doctored ramen started to overcook, Darcy stood stock still. The phone was ringing and vibrating across the kitchen counter. It was like a slap to the face when her brain finally caught up. “Christ, Darcy!” She grabbed for the phone and picked it up on the fourth ring. “HI! Er, hello.” She attempted for calm but doubt that it came across that way.

A tired-sounding voice came from the other end. “Hi. Is this Darcy?”

“Yes. This is Darcy.”

“Great.” Though the voice didn't seem especially grateful that she had answered. “Are you in a safe location?”

“I, eh, I guess? I'm still in….sorry, who is this?” She was thankful that they had called back, but a girl had to be safe -- especially with connections like hers.

A small exhale came before the response. “This is Steve Rogers.”

“Captain America?” It slipped out before Darcy even had a chance to think about whether it was a good idea or not.

“No. Just Steve.” His voice was tinged with annoyance. All of this had been tough on everyone, but Darcy couldn't help it if the first thought in her brain was ‘ _ well fuck you, too. _ ’

“O-okay. Sorry. Hi, Steve. To answer your question, yes, I think I am safe. I'm still in Jane's lab. Is Thor with you?” 

He sighed into the receiver and bit back a response. “No.”

Darcy wasn't sure how to proceed. “Um, ok...no like he's gone back to Asgard or no like he went to the corner store, should be back in 30?”

“Asgard was destroyed.” If Darcy had to guess, she imagined Steve was running a hand down his face. And she was getting pissed off. What the fuck was his problem? “He's out at the moment but should be back within a few days” And with a voice that sounded just too much on the side of sickly sweet and irritated, Steve said: “would you like me to have him call you when he gets back?”

Darcy had had enough. This was her help? “Listen, dude. I have no doubt that things have been rough. You’ve lost people -- we’ve *ALL* lost people -- but if you could stop with the condescending tone for  _ two seconds, _ I would appreciate it. I didn’t ask for this any more than you did. So if you don’t want to help, FINE. But put me in touch with someone who can and will. I've been patiently waiting for a callback, and yes, maybe I hoped I could speak with Thor because one, we are bros, and two, he would never treat me this way. I don’t really care if you can’t provide me personally with help -- I’ll survive -- though I think Thor will have something to say about that, thank you very much, but I want to make sure that all of Jane’s equipment and records are secure. When, because I’m assuming you all have some sort of *star-spangled plan* to save the day, when you get everyone back I’m not going to be the one to explain to a corporeal, non-dusted, scrappy, Jane that no one could be bothered to make sure her life’s work wasn’t destroyed. So are you going to help or should I wait for someone who actually gives a shit?”

Her rant now over, Darcy held her breathe, waiting for some indication that she was talking to a human being. She had almost assumed that he had hung up when he finally responded.

“I’ll arrange transport for you and Jane’s equipment and records to be brought to the Avenger’s facility. Be ready to go in two days. I’ll tell Thor to call when he can.” And then the line went dead.

Darcy pulled the phone from her ear and stared at it in disbelief. Shouting to the phone and the empty lab: “WHAT A DICK!”


	3. Your own worst enemy has come to town

Steve ran both hands down his face, stopping to steeple them over his mouth. He stared at the phone that lay on the table in front of him. What was his problem? The old Steve would have never treated someone that way. His mom, Bucky, hell,  _ Peggy _ , would have had his head if they had overheard that conversation. 

_ Not like any of them could do anything now. _

The errant thought buzzed in his brain faster than he thought possible and he scowled as his only measure of personal recourse. Just because he didn’t feel like “Captain America” didn’t mean that he could be a jerk to people, especially if they needed help. What was the point of being, well, him if he wasn’t going to help people?

_ Like you helped Bucky? _

“CHRIST! Just  **STOP** !” His fist came down harder on the table than he had anticipated, cracking the metal top, but not enough to completely halve it in two.

“Steve? You ok?” Natasha’s quiet, concerned, voice filtered in from the hallway.

“I’m fine.” He sucked in a breathe and let it out harshly, staring at the crack in the table, before whispering to himself, “I’m fine.”

Natasha appeared in the doorway, leaning against the frame, a mug in her hands. “If you’re fine then why is our table broken?”

Steve looked up from the crack, thinking to himself;  _ how can she look so relaxed?  _

“And if you’re really fine, what did the person on the other end of that call do to you?”

_ Ah, so ma, Bucky, Peggy, and Natasha… _

“Nothing.” He deflated and slumped in his seat. “I was being a dick.”

Natasha looked contemplative. “...do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Ok.” She waited a beat. Steve, like all of them, was still reeling from the events of their encounter with Thanos. No one was being spared the kid gloves. “Sooo...who was on the call?”

“Darcy Lewis?”  _ Does Natasha know her?  _ His face pinched up again, and he had to will himself to relax it.

“Darcy? So she’s ok -- what about Jane?” Natasha seemed hopeful, and Steve felt a twinge of sadness in having to relay that Jane was one of the lost.

“Dr. Foster didn’t make it.” He sighed and looked back down at the table. “I told Darcy we would bring her to the facility, with the doctor’s research and equipment.” He waited a moment to continue. “How do you know Darcy?” He looked up at her, confusion apparent, and with some suspicion? 

_ Get a hold of yourself, kid. The cracks are starting to show. _

Natasha waved her hand flippantly, but it didn’t dispel the melancholy look after hearing about Jane. “Clint. He was on assignment when Thor first touched down. Do you want me to go get her? It didn’t sound like you two were very friendly.”

“If you want. I told her to be ready in two days.”

It suddenly felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. Steve looked up to see Natasha staring at him with fire in her eyes. She was...mad? Why was she mad?

Natasha’s voice bit out her next words. “Two. Days?” Her eyes continued their laser beam focus on Steve’s face, staring at him like he was a bug, soon to be squashed. “She’s five hours away. Is there a reason we couldn’t go *now* and help her pack? We could be back in two days.” Her voice was deadly calm, and Steve knew from experience that he needed to tread lightly. 

The problem was, he had no excuse. He had told Darcy two days because it was the first thing that came to his mind. He wanted to terminate the call, so he did. And two days seemed like a reasonable amount of time to stall on having to enact any plan. Darcy had been fine for weeks, would two more days really kill her?

“Don’t bother answering.” Natasha turned her back to him. Strike 2. Steve had waited too long to respond. “I’m going to pack a bag and head out to her. I’ll take a transport truck -- I doubt Jane has so much that it won’t fit in there.”

_ Might as well go for Strike 3… _

“She’s been fine for weeks. I’m sure she’ll survive two more days. Plus…” But the words died on his lips as Natasha turned back around to face him.

“Sure. She’s been fine. Just like we’re fine, right?” She turned and left the room before seeing Steve’s face fall, embarrassed and ashamed. 

_ Well, you warned her you were being a dick. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Sorry it's taken a bit to get out.  
> Chapter title from the song "Your own worst enemy" by Bruce Springsteen.


	4. Take nothing with you and never let it show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all you patient, beautiful, beings.  
> Chapter title from "Give Me a Moment" by The Long Winters.

“Thank you for coming to get me. I really appreciate it.” Darcy was fidgeting in her seat and smoothing out imaginary wrinkles in her shirt. She had already been packed before “Just Steve” had contacted her. If Thor’s contact hadn’t been able to help, she still wanted to be able to bug out if needed. People were acting crazy out there.

Natasha turned her head to smile kindly at her before focusing back on the road. “It’s really no problem. We all have to stick together now.”

They had stopped at the grocer before leaving town. Darcy wanted to let her regulars know that she wouldn’t be stopping by anymore but that she was safe. It had been a bit more emotional than she had anticipated. She didn’t even know most of their names, but she had found so much strength in their little community. And she hadn’t realized just how much she had relied on them for some sort of social interaction. 

Darcy leaned her head on the window and stared down the road. “I thought no one was coming for a few days.” Natasha was about to respond when Darcy continued. “But I’m glad you came early. I was really lonely.” She had said it so quietly, and Natasha’s heart broke a little. They had all been so aimless in the past few weeks. She didn’t know what she would have done if she didn’t have at least some of the team to lean on.

Darcy mistook the silence as irritation and quickly jumped in to rectify the situation. “Not that I’m going to pester you! I’ll set up Jane’s stuff and stay out of the way. I know you all must be busy and working on some plan and I definitely don’t want to be a bother. Just happy to have other people who get it around.”

“It’s ok, Darcy.” Darcy gave her the side eye and Natasha couldn’t help but chuckle. “Really, it is. This -” Natasha swept her right hand out in front of her -- a few abandoned cars scattered on the sides of the road, many having already been broken in to -- and grimaced. “This is all new territory -- for everyone. No one could have planned for this.”

Darcy considered Natasha's words. She was right, of course, who the hell could have planned for this?

“Plus it will be really nice to have another person at the compound. Everyone is excited to have more of our extended, warped, little family around.” Now Natasha was going for overly cheerful, but Darcy let it slide and returned to her window gazing.

“So...who all is ‘everyone’?” Darcy rushed out her question and then went wide-eyed -- why had she asked that?? “Sorry, forget it, I shouldn’t have asked.” What the hell was she thinking?  _ Hey nice, assassin lady, please give me a list of the living, ya know, because so many of your friends have been dusted. God, you really are thick, Darcy. _

The truck was silent as Darcy continued to mentally berate herself. Maybe she could open the door and jump out or, or the seat could just swallow her whole. At least Jane’s equipment would be in safe hands. She was so busy concocting various ways that she could leave this entire existence that she didn’t hear Natasha at first.

“-rcy...Darcy?” Darcy snapped her head up the second time and looked towards Natasha, all the hallmarks of a frightened, beaten dog, on her face. Natasha, for her part, just looked tired, but ultimately, kind. “What you’re doing now? Living inside your head? It’s dangerous territory.”

Natasha’s voice was filled with so much compassion that Darcy had to look away. Her sinuses itched, tears impending, as Natasha continued to speak.

“Please don’t beat yourself up over simple questions or observations. Like I said, this is new for everyone left. You will have questions, I won’t always have answers, and yes, sometimes I will shut down as well. But -” Natasha sucked a breath through her teeth. It seems feelings were uncharted territory for many people in this circle. “I will do my best to be there for you if you will do the same for me.”

Darcy just nodded. She didn’t trust her voice to actually produce intelligible sounds, and she desperately wanted to blow her nose.

“And to answer your question, there are a few of us at the compound. I’m not sure how many you would know, though. Were there particular people you were hoping to see?”

Darcy looked down and played with the hem of her shirt. “I mean, I know Thor isn’t there -- Steve was kind enough to inform me of that.” She couldn’t hide the hint of disdain in her voice when it came to that doucher. “I guess the only other person I’d potentially know would be Clint Barton? He was on detail…” Darcy’s voice trailed off as she turned her head towards Natasha. Natasha’s whole body had gone rigid at the mention of Clint and Darcy got a sinking feeling that he may have been dusted, too.

“No. No, no, no, please tell me he didn’t get dust--”

Natasha quickly swiped at her eyes and pinched her nose. “Uh. Um, no. Not dusted.” Darcy breathed a sigh of relief. “But he’s not at the compound.” Darcy didn’t know what to make of that, but it didn’t sound good. She had stuck her foot in her mouth enough today though so she decided not to push it.

“We’ve got a few more hours till we get there. You may want to catch a nap if you can. There’s a blanket in the backseat.” Darcy glanced at Natasha, trying to gauge her mood, but a life of masking her emotions meant Natasha just flashed her a tiny, brief smile before staring back at the road. At least she didn’t seem sad or angry -- not that Darcy could tell anyway.

Darcy didn’t think she was all that tired but suddenly she felt absolutely drained. She grabbed the blanket from the backseat, cramming a corner of it under her head against the window, and settled in for a midday nap.

After about 20 minutes, Darcy's breathing evened out, and Natasha allowed a single tear to fall.


End file.
